Sunday, March 10, 2013

The Things I Run From Define Me

I was doing yoga and listening to some music today when that phrase popped up into my head.  It may not be helpful to anyone else, but it seems to make a lot of sense to me.
  For some, yoga is a moving meditation where one can explore those places of openness or hesitation and tightness in the body; sometimes (or maybe all the time) you can directly correlate what your body is or is not doing well to your state of mind.
  I am of the camp that doesn't necessarily belive that the state of mind always created the tightness etc. in the body.  I think that a tightness in the body could cause a corressponding change in the state of mind.  The good news is, many times this can be worked out through the body, which is a hell of a lot easier than to try to "mental" your way through a fucked up emotional state which may or may not have been there as long as you can remember.
  Kundalini yoga is really great for this, perhaps even better than Hatha Yoga.  The theory is something like this (have I written on this before?? oh well, here it is again..);  perhaps when you were little you had a fear response, maybe this was abuse, maybe this was night terrors etc.  you tighten up certain muscles as you curl into a fetal position (say your psoas muscles..) and over time as this fear response continues, the muscles get shorter and tighten, this in turn changes other muscles as they adjust to this new normal, and the emotional energy behind it, that caused it, is sort of stored up in there. When you release that muscle and begin to stretch it it can release some of the emotional baggage as well.
  I have acutally had this happen in a Kundalini class before.  I didn't used to believe it could happen, it sounded kind of new-agey to me (yes, even I have my limits as to what I buy into.  I like to experience something before believing it).  The emotional baggage went back so far it is not entirely clear to me what it was, I just felt this sense of sadness leaving me, and then I had a clear memory of being in a pool with my mother, a very happy memory that I had forgotten long ago.
  Clearly this is a powerful tool for both mental and physical health at least for me, but I can safely say it is for many many others as well, or yoga would not be what it is growing to today.
  Working on ourselves through yoga can also occur in observing what you are willing (or unwilling) to do, what you hesitate on.  Do you like restorative poses only and shy away from ones requiring strength?  Can you do a headstand away from the wall or did you get stuck there?  The first time up in headstand is usually scary for people, and I was no exception.  For me, as I observed today, as I did salamba shirsasana away from the wall that I am afraid of falling.  That defines me, and confines me.  We are all limited by something, each unique.  To expand those boundaries is the divine work to make us more free
The things I run from define me, to run towards them takes cultivated strength and determination, and it is not always a winning battle.  Some battles are temporarily lost, then retried.  It is time for me to try again.

Artist: The Gaia Choir
Album: Womansong


There was a time before we were born
We were the calm in the eye of the storm
We had a memory oh so deep
About the truth and the beauty so sweet

Man and a woman, passion ran wild
They gave birth to a freedom child
We are the children of love and light
We'll guide the planet thru it's perilous night

Lift up our hearts and raise our voices
Let the people know all of the choices
Lift up our hearts and raise our voices
Let the people know all of the choices

There is a woman
who weaves in the sky
See how she spins,
see her fingers fly


She changes everything she touches
And everything she touches changes
She changes everything she touches
And everything she touches changes

She's been beside us from beginning to end
She is our mother, our lover, our friend
She is the needle and we are the thread
She is the weaver and we are the web

Chorus (2 x)

Change me, touch me
Change me, touch me, changing woman

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