Okay, so not a ton to write about and not a lot of time to write it...but, here it goes.
I've decided to make friends with the boxes that share my home with me. They have their own culture and ambitions and things to do and eventually places to be. In order to get along I have decided to box and let box, it's the only way...
Who knows when we will be moving again? It feels pointless to get too wrapped up in the War with the Boxes. I just wish they would move themselves into corners, or the garage. They just sit there in the middle of the floor, right in my way, like they're pissed at me or something. I just step around them, there's no sense in causing a fight.
The kiddo is taking the move fairly well, although now after the ruckus has calmed, his new bedtime has transitioned to10 pm which is NOT going to work. It is yet unclear though, how to get him to bed before this time without screaming, snot-flying fits that still result in the bed time being 10 pm. The only advice I can get is to start a routine, I wish kids were that simple.
We'll try starting a more elaborate night ritual and see what happens. I'll let you know if it works, but I have to say right now it is hard to see how anything will work until our lives calm down a bit in like 2 years.
Here's to hope'n.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
So I had this thought today after running a measly mile and then chasing around my toddler all day...that I just had this intense desire for someone to exercise for me. What if you could hire that out, you know, like hiring someone else to mow your lawn or something?...
Man am I tired. Now several weeks of running my household sans husband, and being here all day alone, constantly trying to stay upbeat, while somehow managing to get things done. My patience is thin, and my exhaustion complete. I realize that there are military parents out there, single moms/dads, family's with truckers etc. that end up doing this with many more children...and I can't imagine it.
Why then am I thinking of having another child? I could be sittin' pretty at 40 years with my one kid and my life would be relatively back to normal. If I have more that time gets pushed back and pushed back. But I can't seem to get that animal that makes up my flesh to be convinced that 1 kid is a good idea. It says to me "your son will be lonely", or "what will Yule look like when he comes home and there's just the 3 of you". And (perhaps some of you geeks out there will find this amusing) who will he have to play D&D with? Although my husband informs me we would really need to have 2 more to make a good party...
And honestly I can't tell you for sure that it isn't just that Animal growling to me in the background saying 1 just isn't very good odds for keeping your DNA floating around on this planet. I feel like I need the answer to that question. What part of me is yelling "stop!", and what part is saying "go!"? And should that answer change my actions?
I am on this spiritual path, and each child I have ups the difficulty setting immensely. My spirituality is very important to me, so this is truly a situation; and yet, I feel very sad to think of having only one child. I think I have always imagined that if I had any, it would be two.
People could tell me you can make do with the little things, but try getting into a deep meditative state, when you have a newborn that could need you to rush in at any moment to save his/her life. And really, when they start bawling, any concentration goes out the window whether it is life/death or not. I strongly believe women are hardwired to not be able to stand the sound of crying like that. If you want proof, I bet many of you have experienced your male better-half snoring soundly beside you while your eyes pop open at the tiniest whimper of your baby. I dunno, maybe that's just me...
I know that eventually I would have my 2 kids and get back to my spirituality, but having seen others through this process before, it is 10 years or so after the final child, that they are really able to delve deep again. How many years will it take to truly experience the Gods? To experience Enlightenment, and take that with me through most of my days.
There is a reason that people have traditionally sequestered themselves when they are Seeking.
The Norse had a concept of meeting your fate with courage, not just dying the good death, but understanding when you are swimming against the current. I just want to know if I am trying to swim upstream by having another baby...